Hello friends and neighbors,
Historically speaking, I am a person that drives, a lot. I've driven cross country, twice. I was an office PA (production assistant) for nearly a decade. That means the majority of my days were spent in my car, usually delivering or picking up things that can now be emailed (I'm not bitter.). And I currently have a commute of an hour+ to and from work each day. So to say I'm in my car a whole bunch is a bit of an understatement.
Given all that, and my own intolerance of the stupid, I am somewhat inclined to the occasional fit of road rage. This is the tale of one of those fits. The time? 2005. The place? The 101 freeway.
So, I'm driving back to work from a run yesterday. Clipping along at a decent pace south on the 101, I catch something out of the corner of my eye. A gray convertible VW bug comes tearing onto the freeway and completely cuts me off. Now I'm not talking the usual L.A. cutting off whereby they'll give a little look, see you there coming up on the left, and then just change lanes anyway. No, people, this was a hardcore, taking it from behind, spitting in my face and calling me naughty things, cutting off. I had to slam on my brakes and the guy still barely missed my front bumper by about an inch. As I'm concurrently flipping him off and pounding on my horn, the driver gives a little wave in the rear view and speeds off down the highway. All that's looking back at me is the personalized license plate "MAKE WOW" as the bug gets smaller in the distance.
Still frustrated, and feeling as though I did not quite get my message of "fuck off" across, I speed up, looking for this "MAKE WOW." What does that even mean? "MAKE WOW?" I don't get it. Is it some sex thing? Or a drug thing? Perhaps a gay thing? I mean, I'm not judging, I'm just asking the question.
Anyway, I haul ass down the freeway to catch up. I'm bobbing & weaving in and out of traffic. I'm a man on a mission. I'm like Tyson looking for an ear (editor: Wow, that was a dated reference even in 2005.). If it's the last thing I do, I will flip this guy off one last time. So I finally catch up. "MAKE WOW" is 2 lanes to my right. All I need is the car between us to speed up or slow down just a bit. So there I am, rage-filled, middle figure extended and at the ready, eying the road and waiting for my opportunity. Wait for it. Wait . . . for . . . it. There! The car between us finally disappears from sight. Right arm fully extended, middle finger raised, left hand about to honk the horn, here we go. It's on. Bring it!
But at that exact moment, it hits me, an asphalt epiphany of sorts. This guy, in his little "MAKE WOW" bug, well, when you get right down to it, he's just a guy like me trying to get somewhere. The only difference is that HE'S NOT LOOKING AT THE ROAD!!!!! The guy (Mr. Wow?) is staring up at the roof of his car. I'm not talking like "Oh hey, there's a roof there." and then eyes back on the road. No! I'm talking "Wow, that roof sure does look pretty. I wonder how they make that. If I put the top down now, will it fly off? What is that made of, some kind of nylon? Or denim? It kind of feels like denim. Man, these pants I'm wearing sure are comfy. I bet that guy I cut off back there was pissed. He sure seemed to be. Weeeeed!!!!!!!!!"
In the end, I opted to take the higher road, to be the better man, to not let my rage control me, but to let me control my rage. Also, I'm pretty sure that guy was gonna plow into someone, not in a good way, and I did not want to be that person. So, "MAKE WOW" wherever you are with your convertible bug, and your pants and your weed, I wish you the best sir. And I humbly request, let's keep just one eye on the road, shall we?